A few months back …

I parted my loved ones, and just before I was escorted in the room, I remembered that I had my contacts on, which had to be removed prior to the procedure. When that was done with, I recall someone grabbing my hands, and rubbing on them so gently; babbling about what I ate today and last night… I figured out it was the anesthetist. So I replied, almost whispering that: “I didn’t eat much last night, and just a while ago, I ate a few dates & drank some water.”

Everything felt like nonsense to me! Nothing seemed to relax me at that moment more than the thought of wanting to leave.

I felt my heart beating faster and faster by the second; especially after hearing the voice of my obstetrician nearby. I turned towards his voice; just in time to see him wave his extra-large hands right at me …

For some reason, I have never noticed before how short he looked, and almost plum-like figure he had.

When I heard the sounds of the doors slide shut behind us. I knew the time has come, and the day I dreaded most is here. And at that point, I was quite terrified, I didn’t want to be there, but it was too late…

Now nothing really mattered because things can’t be reversed.

I looked around, and found nothing but blurry little black eyes glaring back at me. I could barely see the devices they’ve got attached on me. I remember the lights were quite bright, almost blinding… and the walls were as white as chalk.

I wanted to run away and just couldn’t. I was trapped, as though I’ve been tied down with ropes from top to toe. I felt my pulse was about to explode, and I just waited for the worst. I believe waiting is the scariest feeling on earth.

Actually, I was frightened of the thought that my life was in the hands of mere strangers. Loads of thoughts were racing in my mind: ‘maybe this wasn’t such a good idea!’ or ‘I could’ve gone to another OB’ & ‘what if I took the castor oil??’

That’s when I suddenly felt drowsy; it must have been something they’ve injected in me. Ooh no, I’m falling asleep, I don’t want to. I want to see what’s going to happen to me. I felt just like a baby who is unable to resist the sleep; struggling to stay awake; not wanting to skip a thing, but is incapable.

It was such a powerful force… obliging me to close my eyes, and I unwillingly did. My body was aching to be in sleep mode. As I was lying motionless on the bed, my body’s started stiffening like a rock… before I gave in to that strong force, I repeated my prayers silently, and shed some more tears.

My mind gradually drifted away… so far away…

This entry was posted on Monday, November 28th, 2005 at 9:48 pm and is filed under Pregnancy. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.